Road to Nowhere (Part 3)
A Paper Rat King Situation
He’s standing by my trunk.
“Go ahead and come on back here,” he says, motioning with his hand, while staring at my feet..
I obey. I’m shaking so bad that if he was judging my walk, there’s no way he didn’t assume I was on something.
“You wanna tell me what happened back there?”
I tell him. The line on the left side of the road. The bullshit reflector. The panic. The spotlighted traffic stop. How I just kind of… drove off.
“I figured if I could move the car, I wouldn't need any help. So when the car moved, I just kept going. Then like 90 seconds later, it occurred to me he probably had more he wanted to talk to me about.”
I paused. “I know how dumb that sounds. I wish my explanation explained something.”
Another cop car pulls up. So now there’s three cop cars and four cops.
And the next one walking toward me? It’s the dude from the original stop. The one I accidentally turned into a mime under my headlights.
“Hey! That was me you ran from!”
“God, I know! I’m so sorry! It wasn’t like that in my head, though. I just wasn’t thinking.”
He’s not hostile. But he’s not friendly either. I give him the same rundown. I’m giggling nervously through parts of it. One of them says I’m clearly “shaken up.” Not sure if they meant the literal shaking or the stream-of-consciousness rambling that would make a coked-up auctioneer proud.
Now I’m digging through my planner. My planner is my wallet. It’s stuffed. I’m standing at my open trunk like I’m trying to access a hidden scroll in the Dead Sea archives.
Four cops are now off to the right, in the ditch, having a casual conversation. I considered that a win, because I wasn’t getting booked into jail.
Then I hear:
“Hi, I’m [muffled]…”
“Hi, I’m [inaudible]…”
I glance over.
There’s now five cops.
Was one of them just… waiting? Was that someone’s plus-one?
I glance behind me.
Now there are four cop cars.
It’s a Friday night. We’re outside Kingsville. Which, turns out, has a Texas A&M campus.
But why were this many cops clocked in for me?
Meanwhile, Mason is chatting with a cop — and he definitely still smells like alcohol. They’re going back and forth like they’re catching up at a damn cookout. I’m still trying to find proof of insurance in a miniature hoarder den of paper scraps and gas station receipts.
Honestly, I would've ratted myself out instantly if they’d started searching the Camaro. Not because I’m noble. Because if I’m gonna lie, I need at least three business days to prepare. I need to overthink it, build alibis, run Q&A drills. If I’m not consciously in character, I will absolutely blow it.
I’ve accepted this about myself.
Finally — FINALLY — I find it. The holy grail.
“I FOUND IT!”
I probably yelled. I was excited. Also semi-startled that I even had it.
It was in a paper rat king situation, but it was there. The original Shamu cop walks over. I hand it to him.
He glances at it. Doesn’t read a word. Hands it back.
“Thanks.”
That’s it?! Ain’t no way he even scanned that.
Am I free? Am I not? Are we all just pretending this never happened?
I take a deep breath. I could also feel my heartbeat in my head. I needed to flip my outlook to the opposite of whatever was going on in my head.
Chill, bitch. They’re just like Daddy’s friends. Go Flipmode. Busta Rhymes always said, ‘Flipmode’s the greatest.’ Flip your shitty-ass outlook now, hooker!
He starts walking toward me, license in hand.
“Am I free?” I ask. I didn’t want to assume. Chronic misunderstanding trauma has made me over-explain and over-clarify to survive.
“Yup. You’re good. There’s a gas station about five minutes up. Y’all should probably stop and grab some coffee.”
I open the car door. Mason looks up, startled. Then relief.
“I thought we were goin’ to jail. Lemme rephrase — I knew you were goin’ to jail. I was just waiting to see if I was goin’ with you.”
“That woulda been a bitch! Not as much of a bitch as flipping a convertible, but a bitch nonetheless. How do you even get bailed out if you get arrested this far away?”
“I don’t know. But let’s stop talkin’ about it. If something crazy had to happen, at least it happened early, right? It’s smooth sailing from here on out!”
“...What the fuck did you just say? Jinxing us?! NOW?! Come on, man.”
He grinned. “Yeah, I heard it as soon as it came out. I’m sorry. It wasn’t even me sayin’ it.”
“To clarify… I should feel better that you jinxed us because it was a message from beyond, or…?”
“Nah, I’m just fuckin’ with you.”
Whatever.
To be continued…